John Gottman: classifies problems in relationships into two main categories
- 1. Perpetual Problems
- These are ongoing, recurring issues that stem from fundamental differences in personality, values, or life preferences. According to Gottman, 69% of problems in a relationship are perpetual and will never fully go away.
- Examples:
- One partner is more introverted, while the other is extroverted.
- Different approaches to finances or parenting.
- Perpetual problems are not meant to be "solved" but managed through
open dialogue,
understanding, and
compromise.
The goal is to develop a way to talk about these problems without becoming gridlocked or emotionally overwhelmed.
- Solvable Problems
- These problems are situational and can be resolved with effective communication, problem-solving strategies, and negotiation.
- Examples:
- Disagreements about household chores.
- Deciding how to spend a holiday.
- Unlike perpetual problems, solvable problems typically involve specific issues or conflicts that can be worked out with a mutually agreed-upon solution.
Understanding whether a problem is perpetual or solvable helps couples address issues more constructively, as they can manage perpetual problems with long-term strategies while focusing on resolving solvable problems through collaboration.